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14 Conversations You Should Have with Your Grandmother

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Who You Callin’ Old Lady?

Too often we think of grandmothers as the old people in the corner to be tolerated at family functions. To the youth especially, they don’t hold much value not because anyone is trying to be rude, but to the speedy, a grandma in the rocking chair who keeps falling asleep is simply irrelevant. It is only as we get older we start to realize what a treasure it is to have our grandmothers and for many, it is after she is passed away we have moments of regret…wishing we actually paid attention to her stories and lessons or asked more questions…or simply spent some more time with her.

who are you calling old
Who are you calling Old Lady?

Grandmothers are Magical 

Grandmas are magical. They hold wisdom that can only be gained through a lifetime of experience. You know what I’m talking about. When you get all weirded out about something like turning another year older or getting new wrinkles and you get depressed and she looks at you with a look of equally balanced wisdom, truth, and sarcasm and says, “Well, it’s better then the alternative.” Yeah. Grandmas can put you in your place with flair and wit and make you laugh and still feel like the smartest prettiest thing in the world all at the same time. Magic.

I was so lucky to have a couple of grandmas that were some kind of wonderful. My paternal grandmother was silly and effervescent. My maternal grandmother can best be described as the human form of Grandmother Willow from Disney’s Pocohontas. Wise and witty, doesn’t say a lot but when she does, you better pay attention. She had the kindest smile and THE most wicked stink eye.

My maternal Grandma, Peggy Stephenson. Isn’t she adorable??

The Day My Grandmother said Goodbye

It’s been two years since she walked on but it still sometimes feels like yesterday. I will never forget it. Sitting in the lobby of the Disneyland Hotel all decorated for Christmas (I was there for a conference) I got the text from mom telling me it was time to say goodbye. I called. Here I am, in the Happiest Place on Earth, decorated for the Happiest Holiday ever. Festive music being played, immersed in the smell of gingerbread…and I have buckets of tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t even talk and I’m pretty sure I frightened several children passing by.

The only thing I could think to say on the phone was “Grandma, you have a whole lot of people waiting to see you again and give you hugs.” (She was 98 and so outlived her sisters, husband, parents, friends) And my grandmother, true to her spirit said, “Well, me, grandpa, and everyone else… we’ll be rootin’ for ya.” That was my grandma. I couldn’t say good bye and she knew it so told me she was rallying a cheering section for me. Long story short I finally plucked up the courage to say the words and it came out like this. “I love you. Good baschltluaa” because I literally choked on the word. 

She passed on just hours later in her sleep with my mom at her side. The last thing she did was write down one of my favorite recipes of hers for me. It’s barely legible and now one of my most treasured possessions.

Mom holding the phone for Grandma… the last picture before she passed.

Grandma’s Words

I miss her wit and sass and wisdom more than I ever thought possible. But I am fortunate because I have so many beautiful memories of her and my cousin had the good sense to preserve her stories with Storyworth. And by some stroke of genius I had in my youth, I gave her a really cool book called Grandmother Remembers and she recorded all kinds of memories and photos for me. MAGIC. I think about her a lot and I like to read her words from time to time. It’s not the same of course but I still feel like it’s a little hug from her.

Yup, conversations with Grandma… one of the most precious things you have…

Here’s fourteen conversations to have with your grandmother to get to know her and appreciate her and maybe even learn a little bit about the incredible woman she is. You might even learn a bit about who you are because of her.

What if My Grandmother has Already Passed Away?

Grandma might be gone, but she is not forgotten. Ask relatives, friends, former coworkers what they remember of your grandmother. You may be able to piece together information to give you more than a glimpse into her life when she was young.  

Here They Are: 14 Conversations to Have with Grandma- Now

What is your full name? Where did it come from? Is there a special meaning behind it?

What are the names of your parents? Siblings? Stories behind their names?

Did you have any nicknames growing up? 

When and where were you born? Describe what you remember

What kinds of things did you do with your family when you were young?

Who were your friends? What did you like to do together?

What schools did you attend? After school activities?

What was your favorite subject in school? Why?

Who was your favorite teacher? Least favorite? Tell me a story about them

Tell me about how you met grandpa? How did he propose?

Walk me through your wedding day

What’s the secret to your marriage? 

What are your favorite holiday traditions? 

How do you get through the hard times in life?

talking with grandmother

Now What

Grandmothers are often modest folk who don’t think what they have to say is important. As time goes on I for one realize how truly important the lessons she holds truly are. Grandmas hold a special power, able to look at the past because they were there. They have the unique ability to explain family traditions and why they are the way they are. She can call someone out bluntly but in love and say things that only Grandma can get away with.

Once you’ve heard the stories, preserve them. They are priceless. She will be honored and your future generations will be grateful for they will have another chapter in the story that is ‘us’

Ways to Preserve Grandma’s Stories

STORYWORTH

I have used this with one of my grandmothers and with my father. It’s SUCH a fun and interactive process. I cannot recommend this enough. Very affordable. You choose the questions and your grandmother answers. Storyworth handles all the tech part and the end result is a beautifully bound one of a kind book.

FAMILY SEARCH and FAMILY SEARCH ORAL HISTORY APP

I haven’t played around on this one yet but in theory, it sounds great.

ANCESTRY

Ancestry helps preserve stories as well. I have mixed feelings about it. It’s nice to have all the information in one spot but it’s a little cumbersome and not very personal.

GRANDMOTHER REMEMBERS

It’s a little old fashioned in this modern digital world but there is something very special about having the stories in grandma’s handwriting. This is a treasure and I am so glad I have it!

iPHONE SLIDE SHOW: DIY on your phone 🙂

I’ve done this many times. It’s a great way to preserve a particular day or person. All the music is already part of the app and royalty free. You can also interject video snippets. It’s not words, but a great way to document a story visually.


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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I like your blog on conversations you should have with your grandmother was the best blog ever. After reading this blog i conclude that its very important to have a relevant conversations with your grandmother if you want some tips from her. This blog can be helpful to us in future. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  2. This is wonderful!! I wish I had those 14 questions to ask my grandmothers before they passed away. It is sooo important to learn from them (and grandfathers, too) as there is sooo much to learn and treasure. Thank you!

    • It’s true… but even though they are gone, I would encourage you to try to write down what you remember of them for your future generations. Even little memories can mean a great deal

  3. Such important suggestions. How I wish I could have more such conversations with my grandparents and my father!

  5. What a beautiful share! My grandmother passed away a couple of years ago and I treasure all of our times together!

  6. This is a phenomenally important post! As I near 50, I’m starting to see how many people pass on without their stories being recorded. It’s sad and I hope to not allow that with my own mom.

    • I am so glad you appreciated it and I hope I gave you some ideas how to do that with your own mother. 🙂

  7. I was extremely close to my grandparents. One of my college papers was to interview someone, so I chose my maternal grandfather. I was the apple of his eye and I adored him. We spent a whole day talking about his life. It was very special.

  8. I had never heard of Storyworth before. All of my grandparents have passed away. I do remember some of their stories, but I do wish I had paid more attention to what they said when I was younger. Of course, now that I’m grown up, I wish I could ask them a million questions.

  9. This bond was one that sadly I did not have. It’s also one that I’ve greatly missed all my life. Anyone with a close relationship with their Grandparents are truly blessed.

    • I hope you have been able to connect with someone in that capacity. Grandmothers and Grandmother stand ins are special. 🙂 And you can always be one for someone else.

  10. Your conversation starters are great. I think when you are young, you don’t realize how much you can learn from grandparents. When you get older you realize. This is a great post to share with my nephews so they can learn before grandma moves on.

  11. Great ideas! One grandma of mine happened to write out her story, and my mom typed it up for us. I love it!

  12. This is so touching. It reminds me to ask my own mother these questions so that I could pass the info on to my grandchildren.

  13. No Grandmothers left but I think I could apply this to my Mom, who has recently moved in with us. thanks!

  14. I love my grandmas so much <3 One passed away 5 years ago, and I miss her every day. I wish she was here to meet her great grandson, I know she would have absolutely adored him!

    • I think that often about my father in law… how he’d love our little girl he never got a chance to meet. I think I’ll have my husband write down stories about him so she has them.

  15. I lost my grandmothers many years ago and am now a grandma – Gigi – myself. It’s different from the other side 🙂

  16. Oh this brought back great memories and a few tears. I was close to both of my grandmothers, but they both passed several years ago. My own children have since lost both of their grandmothers, too, which breaks my heart. But we all had many wonderful years together. When my daughter was a young teen, she wrote out a bunch of questions for my mom and MIL that they answered in journals that she gave them. Now that they’re both gone, those journals are even more special.

  17. Such a beautiful post. My grandma (momma) has been gone since 2006 and what I’d give to talk to her some more. Thank you for sharing.

  18. Glad you put a tribute together for grandmothers. I’m lucky to asked them and my parents about family history.

  20. Unfortunately, my grandma and grandpa died when I was a little girl and hardly any memories of them 🙁
    I wish we spent more time together. It seems like you have an amazing grandmother. Thank you for sharing.

  21. I’d give anything to have an afternoon with both my grandmas again. Actually all three – I was lucky enough to have my great-grandma alive growing up and lost all three within 5 years.

    • Oh how lucky you are to have had them! Consider writing down your memories of them for future generations…

  23. I never knew my grandmothers, so I loved this piece. Your photos are absolutely priceless.

  24. Jen, I love this! I’m a grandma, and reading this made me realize that some people do not even know some of the answers from their parents let alone their grandparents…Thank you for sharing your journey!

  25. I lost all my grandparents early in life but I would have loved to have long conversations with them. Thank you for sharing.

  26. I just had my first grandchild from my daughter. I am looking forward to many years with my grandkids!

  27. Sounds like you had a wonderful Grandmother!!
    I’ve lost both of my Grandmothers now, but not before I got to give one of them a Grandmother Remembers book too! She actually filled it out and gave it back to me for Christmas the next year. A treasure for sure!
    One question in it was for her to describe her child, my parent. I liked hearing her perspective. Lol

  28. I lost all of my grandparents when I was very young. I wish I had even one around now. I am now a grandmother myself and it is fantastic!

  29. Well, I cried 😪 App my grandparents are goneand I’m a grandma to 7. This gives me inspiration to share my stories with them even before they ask.

  30. I love this post!!! I tell my kids this all of the time. I wish my grandmother was still here. I have so many questions I would love to ask her.

  31. This is an amazing post! I love the suggestions and wish I had living grandparents around!

    • I’m glad you enjoyed! There are always elders in nursing home facilities that would love company and conversation….

  32. Lovely post and a great reminder to cherish our elderly and learn from them. Thank you.

  33. Beautiful suggestions! It’s so sad to realize there’s no more opportunities to collect stories and ask questions. My grandmothers are gone. But my mother is still here…and I’m a grandmother myself. I want my grandkids to know the family stories.

    • YAY! I’m glad you are being active in sharing with your kids and grandkids! It makes my heart happy!

    • I could not love this more! My mother passed before I turned 30. I wish I had recorded some of her history from the horses mouth. I bought a book with questions to share with my dad. It is a little harder with guarded people but I do believe it is healthy for so many reasons. I think story worth sounds fantastic and could see this as a perfect gift for many!

      • I’m so glad you enjoyed. I know what you mean about guarded people. That’s one of the things I enjoyed about Storyworth. I found my grandmother opened up in new ways using it. If you have troubles with your dad, check out Storyworth. 🙂

  34. I got to do this to some extent with both of my grandmothers. They were such very different people and neither liked talking about themselves. It was literally one question at a time. Like one single question. I couldn’t ask them to tell me about their wedding. It was “What did your dress look like?” They each answered, but then would either change the subject or stop talking. It had to be a whole other day to ask about bridesmaids or whatever.
    I have a lot of history about my paternal grandmother as she had 9 children and all the kids like to talk. There were always memories flying at family get-togethers with my aunts and uncles and 36 cousins on that side. My maternal grandmother grew up in a German immigrant family. She had a combination of taciturn and complaining. She was not a happy woman and it was pulling teeth to get her to share fun or happy memories. We go down the poor me rabbit hole. I know she had happy times. She raised my wonderful mom and 3 other children (though mom remembers her as a complainer as a mother, too). She married twice to two wonderful men. Her first husband died of pulmonary embolism at a young age, but the man I remember as grandpa was a delight. The best time we had for talking and sharing was when one of my foster children had her name, Ella. She really connected with this child (who was 10 at the time) and we got some good growing up stories from her at that point.

  35. Your story brought me to tears. I”m a grandma myself and I remember saying goodbye to my own grandma. I rushed across the country from Oregon to PA, with my three kids in tow. My dad rushed us from the airport to the hospital. Every time grandma stopped breathing, my mom said, “Laura is on her way.”

    Grandma died within literal moments of me getting to her bedside – already surrounded by my grandpa, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins. I whispered to her that I was there and gave her a kiss. And, she took her last breath. She waited for me.

    • OH well as they say, one good turn deserves another… now I’m tearing.. but also smiling. Thank you for sharing.

  36. This is absolutely touching post. I have a grandma overseas who’s 80+ yo, although we know all about our genealogy, some of the topics on your list are definitely noted. thank you for sharing.

  38. I never had the privilege of getting to know my grandparents, I always wish I had. I watch my nieces and nephews with my mom, and see how much she means to them!

    • That is wonderful that you get to witness that. I hope at some point you can help document some of her stories for them.

  40. Wonderful post! I regret not asking my Nana many of these questions (especially on video) before she passed in 1998, but not a day goes by when I’m not invoking her name in a story, thinking about her, or sharing memories with others. Thank you for sharing this.

  41. What a beautiful post. My grandmother passed away a long time ago and I wish I would have asked her some questions. Right now, I’m having my mom write down her favorite recipes so I and future generations can have them.

  42. My grandmother passed when I was four and have always missed having that relationship with her. I do feel her presence…especially when I’m canning with some of her canning supplies that have been passed to me 🙂 Love the unicorn pic….Grambo in the making 🙂

  43. I love this so much! I miss my grandma and I am so grateful that I had conversations with her. I need to go and read some of those right now that this touched my heart. It’s great to go read those fond memories and conversations it’s like shes with me.

  44. I love this. It was so hard losing my grandmothers and I definitely wish we’d had more time. I cherish the many special moments we did have together.

  45. This post is so sweet! It’s true, it’s up to us hear her stories so that we can share them. 🙂

  46. I lost my grandmother at 10 and I always wanted her to be there. I take my new role as a grandmother seriously for that reason!

  47. I’ve always felt cheated not having a grandmother. I had one grandfather, but I didn’t know him well. I’m blessed that my son was able to experience life with two sets of grandparents and one great grandmother. It’s so important. 🙂

  48. Ah such a great post. I love all the topics to talk with grandma – and grandpas!

  49. So true! My grandmothers have been in heaven for a very long time but this still brought me to tears!

  50. My husband’s grandmother passed away in March and this post hits very close to my heart. She was one of the most amazing people I have ever known and she really was the glue of their family.

    • I hope you are able to document some of her stories…your memories and perhaps his as well. She sounds remarkable and worth the effort. 🙂

  53. This was a beautifully written piece. It brought back floods of memories of my grandparents passing over the last ten years or so. I spent a great deal of time with at least one of them and I have so many fond memories. I am going to print off these questions, though, because I want my sons to have these in their heads when they visit their grandparents. Thank you for sharing such a heartwarming post.

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed Tina. Oh I love love love that you are doing that for your boys! Fantastic! You made MY heart warm! 🙂

  54. The power of conversation is real. These are great questions for any family member. My parents lived in Holland during WWII. I started asking questions just a few years ago. I’m glad I had the chance.

    • I am glad you did too! If you haven’t written down the stories yet, you should 🙂 Those are priceless

  55. My granny used to be a police dispatcher in our hometown. I didn’t understand what an amazing feat this was at the time for my granny to be an African American woman in ALABAMA to hold this position when she did. Apparently, according to my mom, I got my granny’s smart-mouth, quick-wittiness, and stubbornness! 😅 Yay?

    • OH I love this so much!!! She has STORIES!!! hahaha I think it’s a blessing indeed what you inherited from your granny. 😉

  56. I will admit I didn’t get through this whole post. I lost my great grandma right before Christmas too. So this got me right in the feels. I never met my grandmother, my great grandma was the one who did all the grandma duties. She was our rock, the sun to our solar system. It still feels wrong with out her. The message of this post is so important.

    • Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to document all the beautiful things about your Great Grandma so you will always have a place to go to ‘be’ with her.

  58. This is so touching and heartfelt. Thank you for your thoughtful questions. I’ll be sure to ask my grandmother these.

  59. So much wisdom wasted when we don’t ask these important questions! It’s truly priceless to have that connection and legacy.

  61. I love the photo with the unicorn headband. My younger daughter had a rainbow unicorn birthday party when she was 5 and I made headbands like this for all 20 kids. I was pulling out my hair by the end but the party was awesome. Sadly, I lost both my grandmothers and so have my daughters.

  62. Wow this reminder of simple conversation is so powerful. Yes, grandma’s are magical.

    • They are indeed! And yes, in this fast paced and on line world, I think the art of conversation is becoming more and more important. 🙂

  63. Missing my grandmother very much. She passed less than a year ago, but was unaware of who I was for several years prior. We were very close when I was growing up because she lived with us. Loved hearing all her stories.

    • I think that is a common story. I am sorry for your loss. I know that feeling too well. I hope you preserve what you do remember so you have those memories to pass on

  64. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I was very close to both my grandmothers. However, one lived 15 years longer than the other, so I got to know here as an adult. I will always treasure our time together. As part of a college paper, I interviewed my grandfather. I learned so much about him and his life. I can still picture us chatting in his family room about his life.

    • It’s a gift isn’t it? I LOVE that you interviewed your grandfather. Do you still have it? You should write down what you remember of your grandmothers too. Hopefully those tears will be of happy memories.

  65. What a lovely post. I was very close to my grandmother…she was a little bit parent, little bit teacher, my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. I was fortunate to have her in my life for 49 years, and I miss her dearly. However, I did document her memories similar to your conversation starters. And also recorded her talking about her memories. Her written word and recorded voice bring me so much comfort. Great post with great advice.

    • What a beautiful and accurate description of a grandmother. You are one of the smart and lucky ones to have those memories. What a gift! Thank you for sharing 🙂

  66. Grandmas are the best, and I was so lucky to grow up with both of mine. One has passed now, and I miss her so much

    • It’s true. Not just our grandmothers, but everyone is SOMEones grandparent. It’s something I think we all could honor a little bit more…

  68. Grandmas are magical! I miss mine, but I am enjoying my mom as a grandma. We should certainly cherish them.

  69. I’m pretty lucky to stil have my grandma around, and I have just recently realized how precious that is. For her birthday this year (she just turned 90), I took her out to lunch and we had many of these conversations! I am sad for my children who lost their grandmothers when they were very young.

  71. I love that picture! I loved talking with my grandma before she passed! I wish I would have recorded some of those conversations

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